Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
