This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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