I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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