I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
