The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
