On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
