My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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