Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
