my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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