i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
