I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize