did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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