you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
