Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
