im about as happy as oj after his trial
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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