He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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