Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
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Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
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I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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