she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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