I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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