I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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