Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
