if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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