I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
