dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
