To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
