no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
