last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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