I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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