I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
