I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
People with herpes should wear stickers.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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