Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
its not stalking. its research.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
