my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
