Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
