If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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