I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
