he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
