Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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