dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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