wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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