I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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