I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Let's get the cat blown out
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
