Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
