Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
