Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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