I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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