I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
