They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
