Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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