She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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