You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
