Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
