So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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