So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My feet surprised me
Randomize
