Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
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imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
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I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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