You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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