I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
