I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
