So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
