its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
