Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
