Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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