Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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