Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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