just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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