Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
