I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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