I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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