An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
