I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
