she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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