life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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