I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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