I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
