Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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