dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize