She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize