yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
