Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
