I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
