My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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