he told me I talked like a deaf person
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
