I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
