I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
