You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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