i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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